Phubby and I are eating Domino's out of the boxes on our laps and watching bad Tuesday night television.
Phubby's comments on "20 Duggars":
On JimBob and Michelle's flirtation:
"Born Again perverts."
On Michelle needing a C-section:
"It's her 18th kid! She should just be able to shake her leg and drop that thing!"
"Seriously, she should be like a hooker with a ping-pong ball. You know ... pop ... pop."
On J names:
"Is his name really JimBob?"
"It took them until kid 15 to get to 'James?' What the fuck?! Jim Bob? His name is James."
On being pregnant again (and inexplicably wearing a white wedding dress for her 25th wedding anniversary):
"Is she pregnant again?! Duuuude. What's the matter with a blow job?!"
Term for JimBob's "seed":
"Duggar butter"
On carrying Duggar butter:
"Woman must be like a custard eclair walking around that house."
On me blogging:
"Now I'm just being mean. Don't type all this. C'mon."
On baby making:
"Wait a minute. How do you have sex when you have, like, 12 kids? When the fuck do you have time to fuck?"
*Shit. We only have two kids. I think he's on to me.
"If we had 12 kids, I'd make them play 'Bomb Shelter.' We'd have an alarm go off, and I'd send them down there to sit and be quiet until the drill was over. That's when you and I would have our 'happy time.'"
On the kids saying JimBob and Michelle are very much in love and 'are always holding hands or always kissing':
"You know what else they're doing?"
On Michelle saying the 25th anniversary/vow renewal kiss was a lot bolder than the first wedding kiss, when he was shy and nervous:
"Then you let him bone you 50 thousand times, and he sorta got some confidence out of it. What a shocker." 
Oh dear god, that was fucking great. Duggar butter. Boned 50 thousand times. Woah.
ReplyDeleteI loved the boning comment, too. It's fun to make him watch bad TV. He's really fun during "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant."
ReplyDeleteYour husband is hilarious! Bomb Shelter? That is legendary. I feel so much less scared of becoming a parent later in life knowing that I can make my kids play Bomb Shelter when I need "me time."
ReplyDeleteActually, I think my mom did something similar with us. We'd play the "Quiet/Invisible Game" where if you could be quiet and unseen the longest, you win. My sister and I were fiercely competitive when we were young, so it worked really well.
I tell him he should start a blog, but he doesn't have the time or attention span.
ReplyDeleteIs it fun when you think about how your parents had sex while you were playing invisible?
Amazing. That show creeps me out just a bit, but yet when it's on, I can't. stop. watching it.
ReplyDelete..."duggar butter"... classic.
I know. It's impossible to look away. At any minute, she could squirt out another kid. I wouldn't want to miss it.
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite post of the week. Seriously. Dugger butter should be in the urban dictionary or something.
ReplyDelete"It's her 18th kid! She should just be able to shake her leg and drop that thing!"
ReplyDeleteI felt a bit cruel laughing, but it was funny, so I was honor bound to, dammit.
Don't you just love how she's the one who's spent over 162 months pregnant and is literally being ripped open birthing these kids, and yet she's not deemed worthy to pass her initials on to a single one of them?
dug, duggar, duggest.
ReplyDeleteMiss Yvonne - I agree. A lot of things that come out of his mouth should be in the urban dictionary.
ReplyDeletetattytiara - You have to wonder about someone who hates her vagina enough to pulverize it with 20 births.
I had to take a break at "Duggar Butter" but only because I had no idea that "custard eclair" was waiting in the wings.
ReplyDeleteDang. He's a poet, your man.
I know. I'm a little mad he wasted "custard eclair" on the Duggars. I was hoping for a special Valentine.
ReplyDelete