I RULE EVERYTHING! (A gloat)

"Winners get to do what they want."

- Will Ferrell, Taladega Nights

Do you know what's awesome?

First, let's just get this off the table right away: shoe shopping with an adorable, curly-haired 3-year-old who loves shoes a little bit more than she loves her mommy, which is saying a lot because the kid? She fucking worships me.

I'm Catholic, and I'm pretty sure it's a sin that she likes shoes that much, and I don't care - for two reasons:

1. When you take your adorable, very cheerful, curly-haired 3-year-old who loves shoes to the shoe store, and she tries on shoes way too big for her, and gives you recommendations, and then tells you your choice is "fabuyous," and insists on carrying the box for you, she kind of draws a crowd and makes the crowd fall in love with her. And that means? I'm an excellent breeder.

2. See #1.

Next, let's move onto another reason I'm awesome and you all should be blowing me.
(^^I kill at transitions, in case you didn't notice.)

When you're crazy fucking nervous about asking for letters of recommendation from three people you respect enormously, and you fret as you fall asleep, and then one of them e-mails back and is all "of course..."

... And then, after that, you still have to ask for two more, and the people you ask for recs are amazing, and you want them to know how awesome you think they are and you sit in one of their offices and talk to both of them for, like, an hour, all the while breaking little wooden stir sticks from Starbucks into little pieces in the pocket of your puffy vest.

Until, finally, one of them needs to go back to her office to edit the obits, and then you're all "wait, can I ask you something?" And she's all "Sure."

So, you tell them about this really competitive program you want to do, and they're all "Of course we'll write you letters of recommendation. You'll definitely get in."

And then one of them tells you you're a good writer, and you kind of want to cry at the compliment, and then you say you've never even taken a writing class (even though you write for a living) and then she says ...

"You could probably teach them writing."

That. Right ^^ there. That? That's when you know you're so awesome, you can rewrite the rules of writing (which is my way of saying, "Dude. I know I don't follow the rules of decent written English on the blog, but that's because bloggy-blogueing is diff than real writing so get off my dick about it already.").

Furthermore, when you go to this little meeting, and you're wearing the shoes your adorable 3-year-old helped you choose this morning at the shoe store, and your editor is all, "Those are cute shoes," you've realized that you're not only the most brilliant writer EV, you're also incredibly well dressed and probably hotter than Heidi Klum.

Aaaaand, I'm still going to write a C-U-Next-Tuesday post today, because really, I wrote most of this post on Saturday, and I'm just getting around to publishing it now, and I have a kvetch. Surprise, surprise, surprise.