Uncomfortable exchange

Uncomfortable Adventures in Holiday Shopping, part 1 in a series of at least 3 (so far)
Everyone gets into the holiday spirit. Everyone. That's why everyone who stays home 10 months out of the year is suddenly shopping and why PhDs who were out of work the last 10 months suddenly settle for thankless retail jobs to afford the travel and shopping required of the season.

Apparently, this turns me (and I'm usually passable for normal in a store ... really) into a bumbling idiot. I'm too friendly, too helpful, and too nervous.

Pretty sure I scared a couple shopping for wrapping paper. First, we chuckled in the Christmas lights aisle. We all wanted tiny white lights. They were flush out. Have you tried Lowe's? Yes, they have NOTHING left. Hahaha. The stores sure ran out of things early this year. Guess it's the economy! Harharhar. Happy Holidays. Good luck to ya! You too. *chuckle, chuckle, walk away*


Then, I saw them as we were all shopping for wrapping paper. They were looking for a 200 square-foot roll. I know because I was listening to their conversation, which was taking place two feet away from me. So, I struck up chitchat because we're buds now, right? Red is my inner monologue. Blue is outloud. 

Jeez, they really are out of everything this year. Hahaha. Why are you the only one laughing? OK. Maybe it's time to let these people shop for themselves before you overtalk yourself into being the weird, lonely girl in the discount department store.

Oh, were you looking for 200-square-foot? Here's one! Too helpful, too helpful! You are not an employee.
No, no! I don't need it. It's yours! *smile* OK. Slow down, Mother Teresa. You didn't cure their leprosy.
You're welcome! Good girl. Now, look too intensely for your own roles of wrapping paper and match them with each other and cute ribbons until they walk away. Then, pick up whatever cutesy sparkled wrapping paper and standard, cheap, ribbed ribbon you're really going to buy and GTFO.

*Later*

Way to go, Inner Voice. Betcha didn't count on them getting behind you in line! Thanks for making me look like an asshole who is getting completely different wrapping paper than I was getting when they were there. Don't blame me. I'm not the idiot who blathers on and on. You better give them a friendly smile to seem normal. Fuck you, Inner Voice. I'm going to ignore them so they think I either don't recognize them or completely forgot about our interaction.
Good call, Asshole. You look not at all like a patient in a halfway house who came here on the rural route community transit bus with all the other former huffers.