Rules for Christmas Music, plus Marriage Tips

Admitted Christmas music fanatic here. Sorry. Sometimes I sneak the CDs into the player on an uncharacteristically cool July day. I know.
It's just Bing Crosby and Tony Bennett totally do it to for me.

There are some rules:

1. The Carpenters - Karen had a super sweet voice, and I'm crazy sorry she died. I can't imagine having a disease where I would deprive myself of something in amazing abundance. It is truly, truly tragic. And that's from the heart. But, let's stop blowing the Carpenters' music, shall we?
It's syrupy sweet and sounds completely insincere. You know what sounds better? Donkey balls slapping the back of Jennifer Love Hewitt's dimply thighs. When I hear "Christmas cards have all been sent ..." I change the station.

2. If anyone ever called you an oversinger, do not, I repeat, do not throw down a "Jingle Bells" track on your Christmas album. It's a pretty straight-forward tune. Let's not fuck it up with your self-masturbatory (looking at you, Streisand) scatting. Kthxbai.

3. Neil Young: Santa Claus don't need you around, anyhow.
______________________________

Tonight, Phubby was making me a cup of coffee. I'd been working in the cold rain and snow much of the day, and he was nice enough to brew me a hot drink.

Phub (preparing my coffee):  I think I may have overcreamed you.

Me (in the pantry, with no frame of reference):  Uhhhhh ... wow.

Phub:  Whatever. I'm pretty sure I just heard your labia applaud their approval.

And, there you have a healthy marriage of two very possibly probably mentally ill individuals.

Update: Is "labia" too offensive for daytime Internet?