Things that are better than really expensive car repair bills we can't really afford and still have Christmas

1. Jon Gosselin's parenting style
2. Mild diarrhea
3. Traffic jams
4. Funyuns
5. Medications that could cause mild irritation to nasal cavities or roof of the mouth
6. Erections lasting three or more hours*
7. Skunks
8. Texting drivers, except when they inadvertently kill people.

*NOTE - In my opinion, this is actually quite significantly better and doesn't really belong on this list, but the thought gives me cheer, and I'm leaving it.