POSTS PLANNED

A wild, wild long weekend (maybe week) full of the same low quality of posts all two of you have come to love tolerate as a brief distraction from your dead-end, soul-crushing day jobs.

Publishpalooza. Isn't it douchey when people add "apalooza" to the end of things to make it sound super fun? Because Lollapalooza was fun. In 1994.

Now, when someone tells me he/she is attending Lollapalooza, I'm like, "Oh, really? Did you like Woodstock II?" Buy me a $40 Hanes T-shirt while you're there, sweetheart. (Psst. They sell those at Wal-Mart on the $5 rack, and they even throw down for a smiley face sign.)

So, yeah. This week will be that awesome.

Naked Cupcakeapalooza.

Subjects discussed will include:
1. A countdown of the most inappropriate things I have said/done to my parents. Some Hallmark moments might include thongs, a clothespin, medication, a nipple, or my hairstyle.
They probably should have had other children, so they'd know I'm not their fault.

2. The Kindle: you are useless to me.

3. My top celebrity crushes. I'm so excited about revealing my fave, I can barely contain myself. I can't decide whether I should make this the first or last post this week.
Understand this: there will be no Johnny Depp, no Brad Pitt (because, ew, dirty and douchey), no George Clooney, and no OMG-Megan-Fox-is-so-hot/Lady-Gaga-is-SO-COOL-I'd-totally-go-girl-for-her bullshit. My list is co-ed, but it is not about pretty people. It is about inner awesomeness and general kickassity.

Put on your gladrags and let's swing.

(Really? Blogger doesn't know what gladrags are? Crappy spellcheck.)