Celebrity Crushes

So, I obviously meant that the weekend starts Sunday.

It's OK. I got all my "real" work out of the way, so I can use the holiday week to "work" on blogging.

Coming up with a short list of my fave celebs is HARD, so I've decided to break it up a bit.

I. just. can't. narrow. it. down.

Nearly all of my celebrity crushes are second- or third-tier celebrities, but THEY DESERVE more love.

Have you ever watched "Best Week Ever" on VH1? It's basically the place where D-listers go to die, kind of like "Hollywood Squares" of the new millennium.

That's the kind of cynical, money-grubbing, fame-hungry attitude I love, but I also love the accidental celeb, the meek and humble.

Remember Chief Moose? DO YOU?! I do. And you should, too. He had a fan site, briefly. The FAQ sheet answered, in lengthy detail, such burning questions as "Is the Moose loose?" (The answer was something like, "No, the Moose is not a slut ...")

I have met some real celebrities, but I'm not typically starstruck.

The last time I remember being starstruck is when I was 9, on vacation at the beach, dining at a fine restaurant, where I was so excited to see the local weatherman sitting just a few tables away, I begged my parents to let me go talk to him, got jittery, spilled soda all over my lap, and missed the opportunity to say "hi." I was only a little bit crushed ...

*muffled sobs into pillow*

So, I think if I ever met one of the low-end celebrities on my crush list, I might have a similar reaction. The problem, I believe, is that I tend to meet A-listers or, in one case, did not realize I was meeting a celebrity at all.

It's like in those 80s movies when the girl is surrounded by handsome-if-misogynistic jocks when all she really wants is a "nice guy" (read: nosepicker).

A-listers just aren't satisfying.

So, I will start my list with the flavor of the month. (I'm starting small.)

No one will remember this guy in 20 years, except on shows like "Best Week Ever." Actually, he could probably work his way into a regular gig on that show.

So, without further ado, I present to you ...

Levi Johnston

Who he is: the teen father of Sarah Palin's illegitimate grandson.

Why he's famous: capitalized on being the teen father of Sarah Palin's illegitimate grandson.

How he capitalized: mouthed off about the Palin family, especially the former VP candidate; posed for Playgirl (without going full Monty)

Why I like him: using his notoriety/money to get joint custody of his son; smirk that tells the world he knows exactly how long he'll be famous (15 minutes) and how much money he can make in that time; boned the VP candidate's daughter and didn't bother to use a condom. DUDE.

Celeb Crush Rating: Rootin' for ya, man.

What the rating means: You're a little douchey, and what you're doing is definitely icky, but you're doing some of this for your son, which is cool (kind of). You're not afraid of people in power, and you speak your mind. You're not a celeb crush, and you're probably not going to be, but hot DAMN you know how to make a buck. I hope life turns out OK for you, even though you piss off a lot of powerful people.