He stopped on something.
"Whoa!" he said. Then, "Oh."
"What," I asked.
I looked up and saw he had highlighted a program on NatGeo titled "The Whale that Ate Jaws."
Then he said: "I thought that said, 'The Whale that Ate Jews.' I'd watch that."
"WHAT?! You would watch that?!" I asked him, horrified.
"Well, yeah!" he said, with wonder. "Because how would he know?"
To summarize, I married a man who would be willing to watch a show about a whale that ate Jewish people because he'd be fascinated to know how a whale would know what religion people are.
P.S. Of course, it was important for me to research names of Nazi Party members, so I could come up with a name for the whale. This is what I came up with: Whalehelm Frick.
But, more importantly, I feel it is imperative to share with you the actual name of the senior SS officer in charge of genealogy (seriously, I want to vomit just at the thought of it.)
His actual, real-life, hand-to-God name?
Helmut Poppendick
So, logically, I drew this:
And then, PHubby came downstairs, saw me working on the computer, and interested in my life and work said, "What are you doing, honey?"
...
Have you ever found it hard to explain exactly what you're doing without some sort of a misunderstanding?
So, anyway it's 8:30 in the morning, and I have come up with a punny name for a Nazi whale and drawn a picture of a Nazi with a funny name. Nazi sea mammals and penis jokes before 9 a.m.? This will be the most productive day ever.
But you HAVE been productive...you've given me something to chuckle over every time I remember it at work! Poppendick...epic.
ReplyDeletehttp://glitterfrog.blogspot.com
Geez... all I've done today is eat a bunch of fattening pancakes, and here you are conquering the world one morning at a time. I lose, you win! Can we expect Poppendick t-shirts soon?
ReplyDeleteYou accomplish more before 9 a.m. than other insane people do ALL DAY.
ReplyDeleteI've gotten a lot of sitting-here-and-scratching-myself done this morning. So, you know. I've got that going for me, which is nice.
Best thing I've seen all day, other than the last 10 minutes of a game that I tivo'd last night. Go Rangers. B/C the Yankees ARE the Nazis of the 21 century.
ReplyDeleteHmm...your scrotum-drawing skills have improved quite a bit. This depiction doesn't have the preternatural smoothness of your earlier work. You may have gone just a touch too far toward amorphousness though. Just a hint of structure would really convey the "balls" message with more impact.
ReplyDeleteyou rock my world.
ReplyDeleteMy only question: is the penis attached to his helmet, or is he like a dick unicorn with a hole in it?
ReplyDeleteI've decided to adopt Helmut Poppendick as my pseudonym. Am I proud of the fact that he was basically THE Nazi?
ReplyDeleteNo.
Do I want future Poppendick scholars to say things like, "Man, I sure do love dick!"?
Hell.yes.
This is the first post I've read and I'm going to go ahead and suggest that we become friends fo life. Get ready.
Maybe the whale only eats skinny dippers and checks out their junk first.
ReplyDeleteJust a thought.
Oh My goodness! You are so hilarious, I laughed laughed laughed. At your story and your drawing, and being caught red-handed!
ReplyDeleteOkay, when I read your post, I totally thought it said, "The Whale that ate Jews" too.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I wouldn't watch that show. I would, however, watch the guy with the wanker on his head. That's good entertainment right there.
I made the same mistake about the NatGeo program.
ReplyDeleteThought I was the only one...
You can add me to the list of people who thought it said "Jews" when I read what you'd typed. I think I need to go into whale training. Clearly there is a market for this program.
ReplyDelete(Please note that this does not make me antisemitic. I would train it to eat a different group of people each week. Maybe entirely random groups of people. The Whale That Ate Parking Attendants has just as much sizzle)
Weird coincidence, this is what I watched this morning...if you can manage to catch the whole thing on IFC do, the segment on Mao is douchetastic. What a bufooon.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3QunYw-AIM
You were quoted on our blog Hippest Snippets! We love reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteOur grandfather's name is I.M Hardy.
This is pure awesome! Would it necessarily be a Nazi whale if it ate Jews? It could just a very particularly Anti-Semitic whale, though I would definitely wonder how it would discern Jews from other prey. I busted out laughing at your portrait which I'm certain is a very accurate portrayal Helmut Poppendick. ;)
ReplyDeleteDo you watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm"?
ReplyDeleteOnce, someone random asked Larry if he was a jew.
Larry replied "You want to check my penis?"
I imagine the jew eating shark could do the same thing ...
Except Americans are so circumcision happy that test would probably not work well here. Maybe in international waters, though ....
Oh my god, this was hilarious! You're not only funny, you're an artist as well.
ReplyDeleteIsn't Poppendick's dick a bit too circumcised for a Nazi?
ReplyDeleteI think I can't breathe now I laughed so hard.
ReplyDeleteWhales that eat Jews... ha. Stupid Nazi whales.
Ok, so MY first thought when reading that there might possibly be a show called "The Whale That Ate Jews" was "HOW WOULD IT KNOW!?" like your husband thought as well. So out of morbid curiosity, I would watch. The whole concept is mind blowing and my brain might explode if I try to figure out how the show would work.
ReplyDelete