I WIN, YOU WIN!!

I got word today I was accepted into a creative nonfiction MFA program.

And this is how I feel:

(Apparently, even having a muppet mouth and a really ugly skirt wouldn't get me down today.)

I can't believe it! Even though I've been a professional writer most of my adult life, I still suffer from that old sleepless, sweaty "One day they'll find out I'm not a real writer" paranoia.

On those nights, I sneak downstairs, turn on the television and cry myself to sleep under a blanket on the couch. Not because I feel ashamed about my writing ability. I cry because, at 2:30 a.m., when Dorothy and Blanche comfort batty old Rose, it's fucking touching, OK?

Thank God for Sophia and her comic flatulence.

Anyway, what was I saying?!

Oh, right! Someone (a whole committee of someones) thinks I'm a real writer! Which is awesome! And a little scary!

So, here's a dirty secret: as part of my application, I submitted an edited, cleaned-up version of one of my old posts from this very blog as an example of humor writing.

Guess what?! CONTEST TIME! The commenter who guesses which post it was will get their favorite candy mailed to them (can be Easter candy or all-the-time candy.) If you're outside the U.S. or Canada, we'll probably have to work out an alternate plan, but you'll win something cool, I promise.

ALSO, I'll be giving at least one hint on Facebook or Twitter, and I will give more hints if it seems like this is too difficult for people to guess.

I'm jubilant, assholes. Get some jubilation up in your pants and start guessing before I get stingy with the candy.