C-U-Next-Tuesday: Self-awareness

I saw one of my college professors today as I was on my way out of the dentist's office. I couldn't figure out why he was in my town at 8 a.m., leaving another dentist's office with a developmentally disabled teenage boy being pushed in a wheel chair by a nurse.

Then, I realized the boy is his son and not at all developmentally disabled. He was just really, really stoned and had a big white cartoon-y bandage around his head to keep ice packs on his cheeks. Wisdom teeth.

Seriously, I was 25 seconds away from walking up to them, bending over the wheelchair and yelling, "Hiiiiiiii! How are you today? Are you having fun with your dad? I bet you like baseball!" Like you do when you see developmentally disabled people. Good thing I realized what was going on. Score one for me.

I'm an asshole.

I really have nothing much new to write. We're wrapping up Day 12 without a functioning water heater in this house. The water table is really high and lots of people around here have had flooding (like us, with our failed sump pump, dammit) and burst pipes and whatnot, so we're way down on the plumber's list somewhere.

Let's play a game called "Guess how I smell?" (Leave your guesses in the comments. The winner will receive a $5 Starbucks gift card. WHAT?! I know, right? I'm awesome.)

When the dentist was all done grinding my teeth this morning, my face was still completely numb. The dental assistant handed me a hot, moist, lemon-scented washcloth, and I looked up at her, confused. Did she want me to take a whore's bath? I wondered if I had to explain about my hygiene because of the water heater.

She gave me a funny look back and said, "It's for your face. You have stuff all over it from the procedure."

#selfawareness

****

PHubby and I had an argument a few weeks ago about my (let's just call it what it is) talent for sound effects. I said it's obvious I'm better than that guy from Police Academy, and I would prove it by vlogging. PHubby told me not to do it unless I'm drunk. Gauntlet: thrown.

Speaking of vlogging ... have you voted for Out of Tune Idol, Season 2, Week 2, yet? I've heard it's not a popularity contest, but that's what they said about the student council race in 9th grade. Did I win that? No, no. I did not.

You could say it was because I was a dork. You could say it was because my mom came up with this really stellar and amazingly cool idea of using wildlife pictures from National Geographic as my campaign posters.

You could say it was because I did not prepare a speech or spend time campaigning.

You could say all those things, and you'd be right. (Come on, it was the last season of The Wonder Years. No way I was going to miss that shit.)

But, dammit, I tried hard on this contest. Sure, I've seen the complaints that I'm not out of tune enough. I say I'm so out of tune that sometimes I'm in tune.

Is your mind blown yet? It should be.

And, please, if you do not see the artistic genius behind the Greatest American Potato Head video, then maybe I don't want your vote.

Except I do want your vote, so please vote for me over at Mean Girl Garage. The only votes that count are those in the comments section asking that the contestant "STAY" or those e-mailed to Jules, the brilliant, hilarious owner of the Mean Girl Garage.

I'd like to thank those of you who have become fans and/or friends on Facebook. If you want fewer updates, stay a fan. If you'd like more updates, switch over to my friend side "Sarah Pea." Two flavahs of cupcakes.

Also, big thank-yous to the Google Friend Connectors, Blogger followers, Tweeters, commenters, and regular readers. You make this blogging thing really fun. And for that ...

Coming up is the Second Naked Cupcake Day! I believe we'll have some contests and giveaways and hopefully some guest posts from my hilarious and (don't tell him I told you this because I'll never be able to live with him) way funnier PHubby.

Even though I'm an Internet vagenius (that's a genius with a vagina, patent pending), I haven't been able to get a good countdown clock for my site that does not drive me batshit crazy. Once I figure that out, hopefully, we'll have a countdown to Naked Cupcake Day, which officially starts at 4:30 p.m. March 30 and ends at 11:30 p.m. March 31.

Don't ask me. My friend Allison came up with the times last March 30 when my kids stole warm cupcakes off the oven. The day was her idea. *shrug* I dunno. She likes bourbon?

Am I still blogging? Sometimes I just don't know when to stop.

"Really, you?" you say. "I never would have guessed that about you, judging from your really personal confessions about the OBGyn's office and the time your kid saw you naked."

And to that, I say "touché, and please go vote."

XXOO
Sarah Pea (on facebook, yo)