Editor's note: I'm extremely impressed that yous guys picked the only unpublished post that was complete. If I recall correctly, which I always do, I was impaired by at least one substance when I wrote this, and PHubby convinced me to wait until morning when I was feeling "a little more sane" and decide whether to post. I took his advice, and this one never got posted. Also, I totally thought you all would have chosen the time I cried about my butt, especially because I haven't written the whole post for the sole reason that, frankly, I'm still too sensitive about the whole thing to find it funny. Which I realize makes it kind of funnier as a situation in general. Especially as a situation involving my butt and crying. But those nurses were really, really mean, and I have no way to ever get back that Sarah P who had never experienced humiliation at the hands of people I relied on to make the pain go away. It just ranks among the experiences that changed me as a person. There was a before and an after. The following post, which I am not editing from draft form, is, most certainly, from after.
Let's start one of those weekly blog traditions and then totally abandon it like "we" always do, shall we? Glad we're all together on this.
Sometimes, I'm, like, really amazed that anyone ever reads this blog.
For instance, ... hold on ... wait ...
....
just a sec ...
...
it's like, I know what I'm going to say, but I keep forgetting what it is.
...
I've got it.
...
I'm good, really ...
...
I'm just standing here in the corner ...
...
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT.
...
...
*looking left*
*looking right*
*squinty suspicious eyes*
*hands on hips*
*judginess*
It was you.
I'm cracking up thinking of Phubby reading this and gently convincing you to sit on it til you sobered up.
ReplyDeleteHe clearly isn't well versed in the art of the blog.
How'd you know it was me?
ReplyDeleteThis was TAME, woman. I would post this bitch sober and wait for a standing ovation.
ReplyDelete*stands and claps* Well done, m'lady, well done indeed.
You want to please a crowd always open with a fart joke.
ReplyDeleteFarts are ALLWAYS funny. It's the law.
ReplyDeleteI ate a giant ass tub of black eyed peas for lunch then followed that up with Indian food. Of COURSE it was me. It also may or may not have been less than dry.
ReplyDeleteYou sound hot.
ReplyDeleteI almost read the whole thing and I'm still wondering who got sucked off.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how I wound up on this blog, but yay! If this is your unworthy and unpostable work, I'll be back often.
ReplyDeleteThis puts all of my semi drunk blogging to shame, only proving that you are the best at blogging in each and every state, mental or geo-political.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why you didn't post it when you originally wrote it. Talk about Chicken Soup for the Soul.
ReplyDeleteAt least, for MY stinky soul.
The title alone was worth it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what "it" is, but I'm returning it.
It was my goddamn DOG!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Hailey.
ReplyDeleteOh how I love any humor relating to flatulence.
ReplyDeleteYou could have written "FART. That is all." And I would have enjoyed it.
LAWL. Win.
ReplyDelete