Monday, January 17, 2011

Buff up that cold sore, and lay one on me.

The title of this post is something my husband actually said to me yesterday, proving the romance is not dead.

In that spirit, I've made up a couple Valentines for all you lovey-doves out there. You  know who you are. ;)

Enjoy ... you cutie-pies, you.

Front of Card:

Inside:

Front:



 Inside:

Posted by Sarah at 10:37 PM

28 comments:

  1. UnknownJanuary 17, 2011 at 10:45 PM

    i never thought of it that way. but in a young relationship, i guess any minor holiday has the potential to turn into some ridiculous story one may or may not have to share with potential children in the potential future.

    which is why each minor holiday should be spent drunk. it makes for better stories.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MariahSmileJanuary 17, 2011 at 11:49 PM

    HA! you need to contact Hallmark quick!

    ReplyDelete
  3. StrugglecityJanuary 17, 2011 at 11:56 PM

    An upside down heart also reminds me of saggy boobs.
    I like Feb 15th because that's when the cinnamon hearts go on sale. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AndygirlJanuary 18, 2011 at 1:33 AM

    I need you to print both of those for me. I don't have anyone to give them to but I'd like to have them on hand. just in case. you never know who you'll meet when you're out and about.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Organic MeatbagJanuary 18, 2011 at 9:15 AM

    Wifelady was really getting cheeky with me last night...she said she wanted to "fuck like bears"... I wasn't sure how to comply with that but I growled and tore apart a salmon while we had sex...it was great...

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  6. Elly LouJanuary 18, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    Oh you are so diverse! I was so sure that "what this is" would turn out to be some sort of rash or STD but you really turned it around with that plot twist. Sarah P for Poet Laureate!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Elly LouJanuary 18, 2011 at 10:15 AM

    Fuck. Why does the boycott american women guy always beat me to the good comments?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Amanda @ It's BlogworthyJanuary 18, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    HA!

    I actually loved the "whatever" valentine as a for real valentine. As in "whatever life has in store". But I loved it even more when I read the inside of it.

    I've been gone from this blog so long. Missed your wit!

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  9. PenelopeJanuary 18, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Youz so lucky, boycott guy hit you up too. *sigh* Jealz. I have like twelve total comments over on my blog. Can you lead him my way, so I can have an even dozen? Thx.

    I really like the second card. Fuck this, you know? You just said it so perfectly and also perfectly used the ironic quotes and all. Alright. Kisses biotch.

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  10. PenelopeJanuary 18, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    Clearly, I'm an effin mathtard. Not even dozen but baker's dozen. I'm collectively blaming all the math teachers I've ever had. Fuckers.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnnJanuary 18, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    Awwww...did someone break his black little heart?

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  12. AlysonJanuary 18, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    I got a boycott american women comment too. Awesome.

    I need that second card. It's perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Steam Me Up, KidJanuary 18, 2011 at 1:36 PM

    Don't you hate when you write a funny post and some spammer comes in and steals your thunder with his crazy?

    PppPPPPPPPPP!!!PUSSYPUSSYPUSSYPUSSY *armpit fart, armpit fart, North Korean march high kicks around the room* Bok bok BOK! Chicken BOOOOKKKKKKK! *blows party streamer* White power!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Miss YvonneJanuary 18, 2011 at 1:49 PM

    That last card makes me love you so hard.

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  15. CuriosityJanuary 18, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    Love the cards! Awesome. If only I had thought of the ass thing, maybe my husband and I would have gotten together sooner.

    ...And in boycott of the boycott on American women, I think it would only be right for me to find an American woman to hit on right this minute. Some things just have to be done.

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  16. JaneJanuary 18, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    I LOVE these. Am totally going to use them. Although I'm not sure American Men are worthy of them.

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  17. bitethebedbugsJanuary 18, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    Hurry the EFF up and get these on cafe press!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. SimoneJanuary 18, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    let's do this!
    we want more. more. more!

    ReplyDelete
  19. TheBrewskyJanuary 18, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    I will join you in your boycott, if only to see the look on my ex's face when we deport her back to Ireland. (It doesn't help that she broke up right before Valentine's Day.)

    Because American women don't know what they want. They say they just want to be "friends," and then they cheat on you with some gay best friend of theirs, and then they're all sorry and stuff, but by then you've already moved a whole state away...

    Man. You should make a card for that.

    ReplyDelete
  20. SherilinRJanuary 18, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    wow, your post was great, but your comments are rockin tonight. i'm particularly partial to organic meatbag & his doing it bear-style. his wife must not be an american.

    ReplyDelete
  21. SarahJanuary 18, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    steph gas - spend life drunk. it makes everything fun.

    mariah smile - for when you don't care enough to send the very best.

    lex - my grandmother used to make these crazy good cookies with cinnamon hearts on top. now i want them right now.

    andygirl - i could print them out, but i'm super lazy. but if you right click and save, i swear i won't sue you if you send them to someone.

    meatbag - wow. you really lived in the part. i would have just overturned a station wagon and eaten the peanut butter crackers out of it.

    dickweed spammer - you should meet meatbag's wife. she's wild.

    EllyLou - another good ending, though. see? this is why the best work is done by collaborators.

    Amanda - How dare you? Has something important happened to you that's been taking up all your free time?

    Penelope - He's really amazing. I hear he gets around.

    Ann - He just hasn't met the right subservient slut yet.

    otherworldly - hihihi! you can have it. just take it.

    Steam Me Up, Kid - I have being special deal which is being authorized giving for you now. Click on this and surprise waiting with you for riches.

    Miss Yvonne - aw. mutual lady boners. *hearts*

    curiosity - well, it worked for me. i'm yours.

    Jane - Yay! Let me know how they go over in Southeast Asia!

    bitethebedbugs - Yeah! Except for laziness. And stuff.

    Simone Says - Let's.

    ReplyDelete
  22. SarahJanuary 18, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    TheBrewsky - That whore. Let's make her a card.

    Sherilin - I know! The comments are almost always better than the posts.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Nicole Leigh ShawJanuary 19, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    Hallmark is calling. Right? I mean, they are offering you work, I presume. Sentiment like this---honest, raw emotion---well, that's the stuff of greeting card legend. Brava!

    ReplyDelete
  24. pattypunkerJanuary 19, 2011 at 11:26 AM

    bwahahaha - two butts beat as one.

    ReplyDelete
  25. alonewithcatsJanuary 19, 2011 at 5:51 PM

    My mom's birthday is Feb. 13, but she lies – lies, I tell you – and says it's Valentine's Day. I usually get her a Valentine's Day card and make it double as a birthday card. I'm wondering if I could tweak your "whatever this is" card and apply it for the occasions. She loves homemade gestures. This has Daughter of the Year written all over it.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Didactic PirateJanuary 21, 2011 at 10:05 AM

    (sniff)
    Beautiful.
    (sniff sniff)
    Why can't I quit you, Sarah P?
    (sniffle, sniffle, blowing nose on sleeve with loud honking sound)

    ReplyDelete
  27. KLZJanuary 22, 2011 at 8:22 PM

    I would purchase both of those cards.

    Married or not, humor doesn't die.

    ReplyDelete
  28. UnknownJanuary 24, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    I'm super in-like with your cards!! It gives me a great idea for the live-in-boyfriend-of-5-years! Whom I have recently downgraded to roommate for his inability to share heartfelt sentiments such as THESE!!

    ReplyDelete

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