See? I'm rehashing old doodles that don't even really make sense, except that they both deal with eggs and also, any lost opportunity to talk about vaginal discharge is a travesty.
I'm at Panera Bread again. Can you tell? I just watched a teenager pick her wedgie. Really going to town in there. I think they have a field hockey game today.
I'm just wondering, over my Cuban Chicken Panini and caffeine-free diet coke, why her mother didn't buy her comfortable underwear for athletics.
Because motherhood is nothing if not judgmental.
But it's OK. I've earned the right. L. and H. are basically the cutest twins ever in the history of Halloween, no matter what BetaDad says. I mean, his kids are cute, sure, but do they know the alphabet? No. And we all know beauty is nothing without brains.
Without telling you all my adorable L. and H. stories, you should know: they are fucking brilliant. And gorgeous. But, I don't post photos of them because I'm unnaturally afraid of pedophiles and also of being exposed in real life as the writer of Naked Cupcakes.
How's the freestyle, free-flow, train-of-thought thingy working out for me? NOT WELL.
This is what you get on the lunch hour.
Oh! I could tell you about the 30 minutes I spent trying to get out of being on top the other night, using a local news item as a metaphor.
It all backfired, because I wound up making all the concessions, even though I argued that on the board of directors that is our marital bed, I outvote PHubby 3-2. I get three votes because I birthed twins. He gets one vote for himself and one for his dingdong.
(That's right. I said, "dingdong." What are you going to do? These things happen.)
Anyway, he refused to bring his airport extension into my unincorporated area, and I eventually agreed to demolish my community in the name of economic development, and everyone went home happy.
This is how politics should happen, people. It's also how sex metaphors should happen.
Take NakedCupcakes with you into the voting booth on Tuesday. Go America.
I don't even know anymore. Sorry I made you read this.
LOL. I just love that you get 3 votes for birthing twins. Absolutely Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteGod Damn, you just let the brain come wheelbarreling out onto your blog, don't you?
ReplyDeleteSo do I.
Which is why I like you. I think we may be a touch handicapped, you and I.
baby, if you were running for ANY election, any at all, I would so vote for you.
ReplyDeleteand if he gets a point for his dingdong, you should get an extra point for your hooha.
Wait...You *didn't* want to be on top?
ReplyDeleteYou totally forgot about your other "twins". So, then, what is that five to two? Or six to two? Andygirl has an excellent point. Either way, you win. Wait, what did you win? I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteWhat was the metaphor?
ReplyDeleteI'm always looking for new ways to get out of being on top.
So you have a cold too, eh?
ReplyDeleteAlso I'm all about renaming my kayak my unincorporated area. Aww yeah. Except now I'm thinking about Kids Incorporated which probably makes me creepy. And dirty. And old.
Time for more meds.
And half a vote each for your Ta-Ta's making 1 complete vote.
ReplyDeleteUnless you're like DD then they each get their own vote.
Dingdong is highly underused, thank you kindly for bringing it back to our vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteAlphabet, schmalphabet. Does that hot, chick, the famous one with the knockers, what's-her-name--does she know the alphabet? Probably not. Is she cute? Probably. I rest my case. My twins win!
ReplyDeleteWay to rock the vote! Change we can believe in! Don't tread on me! John Edwards in oh-ten! Exclamation points for America!
Denny simply relies on commercials and vapid catchphrases to guide his way. What could go wrong?
ReplyDeleteThose metaphors totally worked.
ReplyDeleteI don't want you anywhere near my dingdong now, either.
Weird.
Well, now I can't stop thinking about the chocolately frosted, cream-filled Ding Dongs. And, yes, I realize just how dirty that sounds.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I go to Panera to get a sandwich from now on, I'm going to be reminded of vaginal discharge.
ReplyDeleteDisconcerting.
Politics and sex metaphors. Ha. I giggle.
ReplyDeleteThis is reminding me of when I was trying to conceive. Or as the desperate baby hungry ladies like to call it TTC. And I read the egg whites are a good substitute, YES ACTUAL EGG WHITES for sparse vaginal discharge. I guess you just, what? Pipe it up there with a pastry bag?
ReplyDeleteIf you're going to insist of this kind of disgusting verbiage I urge you to have the decency to at least post photos. Some of us have little or no imagination to support the verbal imagery.
ReplyDeleteBirthing twins totally gives you an extra vote! But not wanting to be on top, I totally don't get that one, unless it was one of those wake you up in the middle of the night to diddle episodes.
ReplyDeleteIt warms my insides that I'm not the only one thinking of vaginal fluid when eating eggs.
ReplyDeleteEvery girl at my school who played field hockey got their nose broken.
ReplyDeleteSo I feel bad for that girl. Nothing sucks more than a broken nose, except for getting a broken nose while you have a wedgie.