Things that are not sneakers

This morning, I asked my five-year-old daughter to put on sneakers. She was home sick, and I had a lot of driving to do early for work. I told her to keep her snuggly, warm pajamas on, but to add underwear, socks and sneakers.

For future reference, a list of things that are not sneakers:

• Sparkly blue Mary Janes
• Pink snow boots
• Two pink child-size purses - one sparkly, one not
• A backpack containing ginger ale and goldfish.
• Two teddy bears, a "lovey" (a stuffed bunny head attached to a mini blanket), and a miniature lavender hippopotamus Pillow Pet
• One paperback copy of Matilda by Roald Dahl
• A journal with Curious George on the cover

For future reference, a list of things I did not say:

"PUT YOUR GODDAMN SNEAKERS ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FEET."
"Have you been taking any hallucinogenic drugs?"
"Seriously?"
"I swear to all that you hold dear that if you do not find SNEAKERS, put them on your feet, and get in the fucking car, I will throw away every other pair of shoes you own."

I consider this a victory, because last week, I did actually throw my five-year-old son's shoe in the trash can before school. He had to fish it out of there before getting on the bus, and I cried all the way to work.