Filling the infinite void: your mom's vagina

Well, school is almost back in session, so once again I will wear too many paisley pashminas and drink black coffee interestingly. I'll also edit your word choice and phrasing in my head while smiling dearly at you. I'm in writey grad school. It's how we do.

So, whatcha been up to?

Not much around here. Loafing a little; playing a little uke; reading an enormous book about the Shroud of Turin; saving my cat from certain death. You know, summer stuff.

Turns out what I thought was gelatinous, mucus-like pee coming out of my cat was actually gelatinous, mucus-like diarrhea, which cost me nearly a mortgage payment to cure. And now I'm looking for a new vet that does not have a state-of-the-art facility capable of curing an elephantiasis in an elephant (read: big exam rooms, weird equipment).

I am glad my cat's alive, but I'm sad about my bank account. I am now accepting bids on the following: Bienvenue!, a rare beginning French text book, circa 1982, discontinued; a video of drunk me deep throating a banana (boner-smashing); a half-full (the power of positive thinking!) tube of hemorrhoid cream; and the lamp my best friend said looks like anal beads, which I bought anyway because it reminds me she's sluttier than I am and that makes me feel good about being me. Actually, scratch the last one. The thrill of being electrocuted with giant anal beads is too good to let go.

I'm open to ideas, though, and I can always drug PHubby and take humiliating and possibly illegal photos of him with the kitchen equipment of your choice. Tweet me with inspiration @anthonyweinersholesofglory.

OH! And who's not watching the Casey Anthony trial and maniacally updating twitter on the #caseyanthony search for updates? Although there's nothing really funny about the case at all, this guy made a trial drinking game. I made my own. It's called If Casey Anthony Does Not Get a Mistrial on the Basis of Ineffective Counsel, I Will Drink a Keg. That Jose Baez objected to his own expert witness' testimony. Are you fame whores watching? Because that is how you get your own reality show, my friends.

Anyway, I'm back in the Internet game. No way I'm going to catch up on two months of posts, but if any of you readers who have blogs who have particularly awesome posts I missed, can you please link it? Because I hate to miss out.