Essays That Won't Get Me Accepted To Grad School
Chuck Norris Jokes: This Essay Just Gave You a Roundhouse Kick to the Face and Blew Your Mind
Cute Stuff My Kid Said Today and Why You Should Care
Papasan chairs: a profile with extensive research on the Wikipedia entry
What I Did On Summer Vacation: A Hallucinogenic Drug Trip
Stuff My Neighbors Do When They Don’t Know I’m Watching Them
Little Green Booger, Who Left You In the Library Book?
The Socioeconomic Ramifications of Essays About Socioeconomic Ramifications
“All My Mother Ever Does Is Bitches”: My 7th Grade Diary
The URL Link to My Livejournal: Everything You Never Wanted to Know About My College Sex Life
Daddy Issues: My Summer on the Pole
Rainbow-colored Condoms: An Afternoon in Health Services at a Liberal Arts College
Profiles of Dyssentary
The Time I Sent My Retainer into the Cafeteria Trash Compactor (subtitle: Why my teeth are wonky)
Scents of Self: My Odor Profile
Proctologically Speaking, this Essay is Bullshit
Reflections on a Guy Who Took Me to Olive Garden One Time
Longaberger v. Vera Bradley: A Comparative Analysis of Bingo Nights at Small-town Fire Halls
Discharged: Vagina Stories
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I'm going to get nominated for a Pulitzer.
This is one of those posts that makes me sad I didn't find you sooner.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Sarah P.
I don't know shit about shit, but I do know that "Discharged: Vagina stories" will get you an award and a creampie from Mr. T...
ReplyDeleteYou are going to get in. And I love you :)
ReplyDeleteI would read every last one of these. And give you an A plus plus if I was grading them.
ReplyDeleteOMG, Steamy! I <3 u so much. You wanna make out for a little while? (I know you totally want to slime all over my huge boobs.)
ReplyDeleteMeatbag: I would write that essay just to get an award and a creampie from Mr. T.
Phubby: Thanks for commenting. Nice of you. Not nice enough to earn you a blowie, but pretty nice. (You're probably going to get in, too. Buddum-crash! I'm here all week!)
Amanda: Please tell me you're on the review committee, because that. would. be. SWEET.
Sigh... you are great.. And so are your comments.
ReplyDeleteHallucinagenic drug trips: who hasn't
Summer on the pole? Yeah you are on your own with that one
All of them sound so good. It's hard to pick my favorite. I really like "Daddy Issues: My Summer on the Pole." Haha. Great blog post.
ReplyDeleteScrew essays! Send 'em in a multiple choice.
ReplyDeleteJust make it really hard. That will impress them way more than any essay!
Make sure you get a couple wrong, though. Shoot for about 98.2%. Otherwise they'll get suspicious - you want to seem exemplary, but still human, still fallible.
They might not get you into grad school, but they definitely warrant an honorary degree.
ReplyDelete'Little Green Booger, Who Left You In the Library Book?' sounds like a song Phoebe from Friends might have written.
ReplyDelete"Discharged: Vagina Stories" made my eyes jump out of my head and run away to Mexico for fear I would read any of it. So go with that, maybe.
ReplyDeletemepsipax - Don't tell me you've never done a chair dance for dollahs. I won't believe it.
ReplyDeleteTara - Is there something you'd like to share?
Dogimo - Hm. I am trying to get in to a writing program, not a psychiatric hospital. Not that the types who apply to either are so different.
tattytiara - Agreed. Everyone may now call me Dr. SarahP.
Sarah - it does!
Kurt - I have to admit, I think that title has the most promise.
Chuck Norris jokes SHOULD though!
ReplyDelete"Chuck Norris Jokes: This Essay Just Gave You a Roundhouse Kick to the Face and Blew Your Mind"
ReplyDeleteThat would of been essay of the decade =D
Jules and Outtie (that's your new nickname) - Unfortunately, I have turned in my essays, and Chuck Norris did not make the cut.
ReplyDeleteI did, however, edit an old post from this site, put it into essay form, and include it in the packet. I'm not sure what I was thinking.