Attack a racist and win!

Here's the thing about Holocaust deniers. (I mean, one thing of many things, but let's put all the obvious stuff aside for a second.)

OK, so can we all agree Holocaust deniers are white supremacists, generalized bigots, or anti-semites?

I mean, besides being numbskull dickheads, obviously?

We can agree? Good.

Given that those groups are all in basic agreement on two points: 1) that they don't like Jewish people,  and 2) that the Holocaust never happened - why are they so hot for Hitler?

Remember that guy a few years ago who tried to get a birthday cake from a ShopRite for his five-year-old son, who is named Adolf Hitler? ShopRite refused to write the kid's name on the cake, which? Seems like the right thing to do, but I think I have a better idea.

If I were the baker, I would have said, "Sure! I'll write 'Adolf Hitler' on it, but we don't carry white icing - because you know how them negros and Mexicans get mad."

Then, I would have rolled my eyes conspiratorially (about them damn sensitive mahnurrities) and fist-bumped with him.

"That will be just a minute, sir," I would have said. "It's hard to tell these damn Vietnamese ladies to write on these cakes in their hooka-booka language, am I right or am I right? *laugh, slap knee, shake head* ... You catch Storm Stories last night? Man, makes ya think."

Then, I would have given him his cake and told him I was throwing in a free cream pie. On the pie, I would have written, "Kill whitey!" and then, as soon as he had a chance to read it, I would have thrown it in his face.

Only then would he have learned it was a chocolate cream pie, and then he would have had to walk around the whole day with a brown face. Totally humiliating for him and also hilarious for me, so I would win. Also? His mullet would give him away as a racist, and it would be a warning to other racists that you just don't fuck with my bakery, man.

The only way to win with racists, see, is to gain their confidence and then use the ol' pie-in-the-face. You have to communicate on their level, you understand.

                          At My Bakery:

Where was I going with this?

Oh, right. Hitler and the Holocaust Deniers, a Love Story. Ooo! Oo! Oo! Let's make it a Christian scream band instead, eh? The Hitler and the Holocaust Deniers Experience. (Have you seen those freaky twin girls who have, like, a whole white supremacist pop career? WTF, man?)

I lost track again. Oh, right. Anyway, it seems to me that if one hates Jews and denies the Holocaust, then Hitler shouldn't seem so lovable.

I mean, the whole reason normal people hate Hitler is because of the Holocaust, right?

If he didn't murder 6 million people, then, theoretically, anti-semites really have no reason to like him much.

And that, dear readers, is the sound of a million white-supremacist hearts breaking. (You didn't hear anything because their hearts are small and black - hahahaha! You see what I did there? I called their hearts "black." Oh, man, do they hate me now. Whew, boy. I just ruined Hitler for everybody. Everybody at the rally, I mean. Sorry, fellas. There's always beer and campfires!)