Down, down baby.

Normally, when a stranger sends me two chocolate bars in the mail and pays more than $5 (Canadian money) for the postage, I would thank her by taking pictures of me treating the chocolate bar like a phallus.

So, Jen O. at My Tornado Alley, I will find a good way to thank you.

It just won't involve me giving a BJ to an Aunt Sarah's Simply Delicious, no matter how delicious Aunt Sarah's is.

This is why: the time in my life has arrived in which there are so many photos of me deep throating objects that I have become careless - so careless, in fact, that my mother was treated this weekend to a video of me treating a rotten banana like it was a comparative literature 101 professor and I was its hard-partying freshman student desperate to pass its class.

In my defense, I was drunk post-American Idol when my husband grabbed the camcorder and recorded me singing some sort of medley from the musical Grease. The brown banana was my mic, and when I forgot the lyrics the performance was done, I opened wide and used that banana like it was a uvula brush.

Having been drunk for this round of Drunken Cupcakes, I completely forgot about my one-nighter with the banana. No walk-of-shame from professor's office to dorm room, no remember.

My parents visited for the weekend, and while the kids napped on Saturday, PHubby and Dad went outside to patch the roof of the shed, and Mom and I snuggled up on the couch to watch videos of the twins playing in the snow. Awwwwwww.

We went clip by clip and reviewed every cute little thing they said. Then, we got to the end of the set - or almost to the end. The last thumbnail showed a freeze-frame of yours truly.

"What's this?" Mom asked.

"Oh! Haha! I think that's from the blizzard. I got accidentally drunk during American Idol, and PHubby recorded me drunk, singing a Grease song," I said.

"Sounds funny! Let's watch!" she said.

"Tee-hee, ha-ha. How much did you drink?"

"Oh, you know me, not much. I'm a lightweight."

"Oh, that's so funn- ... SARAH!"

Yes, yes. I'm an asshole. But, again, I FUCKING FORGOT. If I were smart, I would have told her it was a striptease for PHubby and not to watch it.

All I can say is thank God I never got around to making that banana bread for my father and wound up having to throw away the old bananas. I'd never be able to look either parent in the eye again.

*******

I have lots of news, including an announcement, and I will post a round-up later this evening.

And, hmmm, I just decided right now if I get 50 legitimate comments, not including my own, on this post, I will post the video of me - drunk, unshowered, singing Grease, and deepthroating a banana.

So, if you have a burning need to see me being a disgusting idiot, make your friends leave me a comment on this post. It's really embarrassing, and I'm going to have to swallow a lot of pride to show it.

UPDATE: Instead of posting an update tonight, I will post it tomorrow. Two reasons for this decision: 1. I want to give this post a legitimate amount of time to get to 50 comments and not bury it to save my sparkling reputation; 2. PHubby and I are watching Tool Academy for the first time ever and are already addicted (Seriously, the elimination quote is, "I'm sorry. You're just a tool.")